Red & White

It comes again
the urge to see
the red upon the white.

Goodbyes are painful

It's been 6 months and I still miss her. I miss seeing her, speaking to her, texting her, chatting to her etc. I miss the fun times we had together. I miss our dinners out and how easily we could talk. I miss being able to share with her. I just miss her.

I still don't fully understand what went wrong. Sometimes I get upset when something reminds me of her. I haven't got round to deleting her number and every time I see it I hurt a little more. I guess I hoped that one day she'd contact me, let me know why she brought my world tumbling down.

Maybe I'll never know.

The lines I draw

I can't help but cry
The pain runs in lines
Drops form and congeal
They smart as they start to heal

Why am I cursed
With this compulsion
To draw lines
upon my skin

My arm tells a story
My legs are a map
My shoulders show
Their stripes

I am a soldier 

Returning from war

With wounds that

Tell my story

My gashes heal

But new ones are torn afresh

I have survived one battle

But I already fight the next

This is the struggle 

That never stops

I am within its grasp

For ever

What would my old schoolmates say

If they saw how I had changed

My body is a roadmap

Of pain and suffering

My eyes are blank

My heart is broken

My life is ruined

And I,

I am dead

It's a lonely world

It's a lonely world
up in my head
I see people talking
can't hear what's said

Worry

Worry

Worry, it eats away at me
I struggle with the pain
Worry, it consumes me
I struggle to stay sane

Am I a misanthrope?

For a few weeks now I've been feeling agitated when I'm around people. I am only at peace when I'm alone and even that peace doesn't find me often.

More and more I've been wondering whether I'm unhappy because I expect too much from other people. I expect my friends to be there for me 24/7 in case I need them. I expect people to accept me for who I am. I expect people to understand my needs and meet them.

How could you?

I don't understand

Even after all this time

How you could do this

Such a drastic step

Resurrection

I can't break
if I'm already broken

I can't sink
if I've already sunk

I can't die
if I'm already dead...

Snow

Snow

Sitting on my bed
Watching the snow
I feel awful
My thoughts are sluggish and slow

Recovery

Recovery      

How do you recover from loss?
Do you push the pain aside?
Do you work through the suffering?
Do you deal with the divide?