Pain that never leaves

Fading scars
Blunt blades
Signs show
I am in control

The pain is there
It never left
But
I am in control

Red & White

It comes again
the urge to see
the red upon the white.

Goodbyes are painful

It's been 6 months and I still miss her. I miss seeing her, speaking to her, texting her, chatting to her etc. I miss the fun times we had together. I miss our dinners out and how easily we could talk. I miss being able to share with her. I just miss her.

I still don't fully understand what went wrong. Sometimes I get upset when something reminds me of her. I haven't got round to deleting her number and every time I see it I hurt a little more. I guess I hoped that one day she'd contact me, let me know why she brought my world tumbling down.

Maybe I'll never know.

The lines I draw

I can't help but cry
The pain runs in lines
Drops form and congeal
They smart as they start to heal

Why am I cursed
With this compulsion
To draw lines
upon my skin

My arm tells a story
My legs are a map
My shoulders show
Their stripes

I am a soldier 

Returning from war

With wounds that

Tell my story

My gashes heal

But new ones are torn afresh

I have survived one battle

But I already fight the next

This is the struggle 

That never stops

I am within its grasp

For ever

What would my old schoolmates say

If they saw how I had changed

My body is a roadmap

Of pain and suffering

My eyes are blank

My heart is broken

My life is ruined

And I,

I am dead

It's a lonely world

It's a lonely world
up in my head
I see people talking
can't hear what's said

Worry

Worry

Worry, it eats away at me
I struggle with the pain
Worry, it consumes me
I struggle to stay sane

Am I a misanthrope?

For a few weeks now I've been feeling agitated when I'm around people. I am only at peace when I'm alone and even that peace doesn't find me often.

More and more I've been wondering whether I'm unhappy because I expect too much from other people. I expect my friends to be there for me 24/7 in case I need them. I expect people to accept me for who I am. I expect people to understand my needs and meet them.

How could you?

I don't understand

Even after all this time

How you could do this

Such a drastic step

Resurrection

I can't break
if I'm already broken

I can't sink
if I've already sunk

I can't die
if I'm already dead...

Snow

Snow

Sitting on my bed
Watching the snow
I feel awful
My thoughts are sluggish and slow