Tuesday, 17 September 2013

Lost in my own mind

My mind is a maze
Of broken thoughts
And forgotten memories.

My brain holds me captive
It refuses to let me go
And tells me I'm worthless.

My mind is a prison
My thoughts are my cage
My memories are my tormentors

My brain holds the key
Far out of my reach
Torturing me with hopelessness.

I have so many questions
That remain unanswered
That cause me nothing but pain.

When will I be free?
When will they release me?
When will the suffering end?

Saturday, 1 June 2013

Pain that never leaves

Fading scars
Blunt blades
Signs show
I am in control

The pain is there
It never left
I am in control

Sunday, 5 May 2013

Red & White

It comes again
the urge to see
the red upon the white.

Wednesday, 3 April 2013

Goodbyes are painful

It's been 6 months and I still miss her. I miss seeing her, speaking to her, texting her, chatting to her etc. I miss the fun times we had together. I miss our dinners out and how easily we could talk. I miss being able to share with her. I just miss her.

I still don't fully understand what went wrong. Sometimes I get upset when something reminds me of her. I haven't got round to deleting her number and every time I see it I hurt a little more. I guess I hoped that one day she'd contact me, let me know why she brought my world tumbling down.

Maybe I'll never know.

Friday, 22 March 2013

The lines I draw

I can't help but cry
The pain runs in lines
Drops form and congeal
They smart as they start to heal

Why am I cursed
With this compulsion
To draw lines
upon my skin

My arm tells a story
My legs are a map
My shoulders show
Their stripes

I am a soldier 
Returning from war
With wounds that
Tell my story

My gashes heal
But new ones are torn afresh
I have survived one battle
But I already fight the next

This is the struggle 
That never stops
I am within its grasp
For ever

What would my old schoolmates say
If they saw how I had changed
My body is a roadmap
Of pain and suffering

My eyes are blank
My heart is broken
My life is ruined
And I,
I am dead

It's a lonely world

It's a lonely world
up in my head
I see people talking
can't hear what's said



Worry, it eats away at me
I struggle with the pain
Worry, it consumes me
I struggle to stay sane

Sunday, 24 February 2013

Am I a misanthrope?

For a few weeks now I've been feeling agitated when I'm around people. I am only at peace when I'm alone and even that peace doesn't find me often.

More and more I've been wondering whether I'm unhappy because I expect too much from other people. I expect my friends to be there for me 24/7 in case I need them. I expect people to accept me for who I am. I expect people to understand my needs and meet them.

Saturday, 9 February 2013

How could you?

don't understand
Even after all this time
How you could do this
Such a drastic step

Monday, 4 February 2013


I can't break
if I'm already broken

I can't sink
if I've already sunk

I can't die
if I'm already dead...

Sunday, 20 January 2013



Sitting on my bed
Watching the snow
I feel awful
My thoughts are sluggish and slow

Sunday, 13 January 2013



How do you recover from loss?
Do you push the pain aside?
Do you work through the suffering?
Do you deal with the divide?